This is not my beautiful house
Trying to figure out who I am or decide if I even need to know
Identity is a funny thing. Are you who you thought you would be? Do you describe yourself with your job first or perhaps if you have children or a partner? When I go to tell someone new about me, I start with my anxiety because it’s the loudest thing in my brain. But that’s not me in full. I am a creative, silly creature who also happens to be a mom, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a passionate social justice advocate. I like to bake, craft, read books, drink lattes and avoid phone calls. Depending on who I am with or where I am, different parts of me run to the front of the line. I hope to share more of who I am here, figure out what I am and what I am not. I hope you all come along for the ride and learn a bit about yourself in the process. One thing is for sure, I am not me.
August Reads
The Paradise Trilogy by Elon Hilderbrand
I had a couple of good friends scold me for not reading Elin Hilderbrand at the beginning of the summer. I probably (definitely) thought it was too cheesy but I decided that cheesy was a nice escape sometimes so I trudged forward. I started with 5 Star weekend (really enjoyed), then The Matchmaker (cute, starting to sense a theme), The Perfect Couple (fun- show coming soon), Summer of ‘69 (hated, loathed entirely). My girlfriend, Shannon, is a mega fan of the author. Like her and her husband did a Nantucket trip and it was bucket list for her. She suggested the Paradise Trilogy next. And it was fun, cute, dollop of daisy and mystery. As with most trilogies, the first book was best, second meh and third I was happy to finish. So if you need a palette cleanser after a real disturbing book, start here.
The God of the Woods by Liz Moore
We went camping recently and the night before we left, I decided I wanted the most fucked book I could find that involved camping. Enter The God of the Woods. The setting is an upstate New York summer camp owned by a wealthy family, who has an adjacent property. I have a deep love for stories about messed up rich families and this checks that box. It alternates narration throughout so you piece the mystery together a little at a time with multiple story lines. I found the story sufficiently upsetting with fun twists and turns. Bonus points for a fantastic cover.
The Kind Worth Killing by Peter Swanson (free with Kindle Unlimited)
This book has been on my “want to read list" for a few years now. This is the first book in a trilogy. The book starts out with a sexy encounter discussing infidelity and murder, forever a tantalizing combo. Don’t get your spicy underpants ready though- we barely go there. Just the tip. The book is a bit of a layup with the childhood stories of all the characters that build up to some murder with a big turn at the end. I thoroughly enjoyed it and it definitely made me want a trip to Maine in the Fall. TBD if I read the next in the series, maybe in a few months.
Meal links (I am working on creating a meal index on my website):
Greek Style Smash Burgers from Brocc Your Body
Abby Thome Meatballs made using her Meatball Sub recipe
Big Mac Salad from Table for Two
Shit I don’t hate
This Aerie cardigan is SO soft and a perfect fall transition piece. It comes in a few colors and lots are sold out but just keep checking back.
The Real Housewives of OC was my gateway drug to reality TV. It has been pretty awful for the past few years but it is back, baby.
These Amazon Palazzo pants are so good. I don’t normally buy Amazon clothing because of quality but these just look RICH.
I started drinking Diet Coke when I was 12 because I thought I was fat. Then I had babies and wellness culture told us it was giving us cancer. Now, I’m 38 and we are going steady again.
If you have been around a while, you know my disdain for the Stanley cup. That thing spills like a sieve. But I also want to drink a gallon of water a day at my desk and the Brumate doesn’t dump water when I inevitably knock if over onto my laptop.
Something to look forward to..
I’ve found with my anxiety fueled, catastrophizing brain, it is very healthy for me to have something to look forward to. I’ll share something every week and would love for you all to share yours back!
I am going to DC (my trip is 9/11-Friday the 13th, nobody say nothing spooky) on a trip that is a pinch me moment! More to come soon.
Moments before I read your newsletter I read a post about the nonself: the buddist concept that everything is ever changing and there is no true unchanging core self - we're all just current iterations of ourselves. I thought it was timely that I read that prior to you talking about figuring out who you are and thought maybe you might find the concept of nonself interesting in this part of your journey :)
Perfection. I’ve never been on substack before but here I am! You are my favorite Instagram follow. So real and funny and relatable. Cannot wait for more!